


Oops [Helen] Did It Again

by shella688



Series: fast-travel across the atlantic with this 1 weird tip [2]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast), Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: (for a given value of cat), (or getting there), Jon is a cat person, M/M, and her + jon are friends now, helen is my knifehands mcwife, its tagged jonmartin bcause when are they NOT pining, not sure what style this is written in rip, rating is for swears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 08:24:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21371116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shella688/pseuds/shella688
Summary: Jon gets kidnapped yet again, re-evaluates his mental image of cats, and learns a bit more about the small towns in southern USA.(The events of The Case of the Disappearing Door from Jon's POV)
Relationships: Carlos/Cecil Palmer, Cecil Palmer & Jonathan Sims, Helen & Jonathan Sims, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Series: fast-travel across the atlantic with this 1 weird tip [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1540597
Comments: 23
Kudos: 403





	Oops [Helen] Did It Again

**Author's Note:**

> Read Cecil's POV [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21202163)!

"Are you scared, Jon?" Elias asks, smiling a cold, wicked smile.

Jon takes shaking breathes and trys to pretend otherwise. He thought he knew the monsters but he was so very wrong. There are monsters who are merely not human, and then there are the monsters who will set the world alight to laugh at the screams. And oh, how Elias laughs.

Jon can See the way into the Lonely of course. Elias made sure of that, just as he made sure of every event leading up to this point. Every choice Jon thought he made only trapped him further.

He takes a step forward and already the fog begins to creep around his feet. It's cold and getting colder, everything becoming more distant, more grey.

Then the floor drops away and a door slams and suddenly he's somewhere _else_.

"Michael!" Jon almost shouts; but Michael's dead now isn't he? Another body on the pile, just like-

No. No. Martin's not dead. He can't be.

"Helen!" he shouts instead, the **click** of a tape recorder turning on echoing around the impossible corridor.

When the walls start laughing he can taste every second of it.

"Helen!" Jon shouts again, and now he's walking up a long spiral staircase. Below him is shadow and above lies the knowledge that he arrived to late.

"Are we lost, Archivist?" asks Helen. She stands on the floor above his head, forcing Jon to look up from his place on the ceiling.

"There isn't time for this! Martin is- he's lost in the Lonely and it's _my fault_," Jon cries in a thick voice, only able to Watch as his life crashes down and shatters around him.

Helen picks up a shard and inspects it, unconcerned. Her hands are sharp and knife-like as she turns it over and over.

"Your god may give you facts and truth," she says, calm as the wind, "but _I_ can fold them up and sink them beyond even your reach. Time is just another fact, and that really doesn't mean much here."  
She laughs like a headache and there's a bright glint in her eyes.  
"Besides, given the state you're in, you're likely as not to get stranded there yourself. There's much you need to learn regarding your... situation, let's say."

She turns, motioning towards a door that doesn't exist; a bright, garish yellow that stood out against the dark wall.

"Come on Archivist. Think of it as a lesson."

Jon exhales. He didn't want to trust Helen - he didn't want to go somewhere else Martin was not. But he didn't have another way out.

A warm desert wind blows into his face as he approaches.

"Keep the tape recorder on," suggets Helen conversationally, as he steps out. "They'll want to hear what happens."

* * *

**[CLICK]**

"Live recording of what occurred after I, Jonathan Sims, the Archivist, was kidnapped by the Spiral.

Again."

A pause, then a long sigh.

"If anyone's listening to this, I've probably gone. Maybe for good this time. I- I have no idea where I am. I can't See anything here. For all I know, I could still be in Helen's corridors. She could have sent me to America, or someplace even further. And every second I spend here Martin is getting dragged deeper and deeper into the Lonely."

He lets out a short laugh that borders on hysterical.

"It's fine. He's fine. He has to be.

I've tried using my Beholding powers here but - nothing. If I try to, to find out what this place is, all I See is just... void. There is something distant: stars, a more poetic sort might say

In a way, it's almost peaceful."

**[CLICK]**

* * *

**[CLICK]**

"I think I'm in a radio station. A kitchen in a radio station, at the moment.

It's quite small. This entire place is small, actually, smaller than I expected. There are a lot of doors, much more than the amount of rooms would suggest. I even saw half a door not long back, which would usually be a good indicator that I'm still in the hands of the Spiral but... I'm not so sure.

Maybe it's the fact that Helen let me live - saved me even, if she's telling the truth. Maybe it's this place, how it feels so... so _lived in_, even though I haven't seen anyone else yet.

Huh, no people: that's not as worrying as it should be. I suppose I'm just glad no-one's trying to kill me.

Yet."

There's a sudden intake of breathe and the sound of movement. When Jon speaks again, it's in an urgent whisper.

"I'm not alone.

I said I can't Know anything here and that's still true but _something_ made me look out the kitchen door and- and the on-air light was on over the recording booth. And there was someone in there. Looking right at me. Oh God.

If he comes out, I- hopefully I can still compel him. Distract him long enough to - get away, or something. God knows I'm in no state to fight.

...  
Shit."

**[CLICK]**

* * *

**[CLICK]**

Jon takes a shuddering breath, gathering his nerve before speaking. Even so, he's clearly shaken.

"I'm still... I'm still alive. I've keeping an e- I've been watching that man, but he's not left the booth. Not yet at least. I suppose it's too much to hope that he didn't see me after all?

Yeah, thought as much.

Wait, that was- I can See again. Not very well or anything; it's mostly void, but at least it's partially something else now too.

I'm pleased that the Eye has some power here. That's... probably not a good sign. Maybe this is what Helen meant when she said a lesson: learning just how much I need the powers of the literal embodiment of forbidden knowledge in order to, well, function."

When he laughs, it rings hollow.

"Maybe it's to show me just how much of a monster I'm becoming."

**[CLICK]**

* * *

**[CLICK]**

There's a man speaking, but it's obviously not Jon. He sounds American, oddly relaxed and cheerful. And despite his apparent confidence earlier, Jon is very much not.

"Hi stranger! I'm Cecil, you know, the guy off the radio?"

Jon speaks carefully, considering his words.

"I'm the- Jon."

There's an awkward pause before Jon speaks again.  
"You said the radio? Who do you work for?"

"Oh, just Station Management... wait a moment -

Oh. My. Gosh! You're British!

Jon this is fantastic! We've never had a British visitor to Night Vale before. Oh! Could you sign something for me? I have to tell Carlos _all_ about this - he's my husband, you should meet him some time. He's also really smart, which is one reason why I love him. I'm sure you'd love him too. See, when he-"

"_Who do you work for?_" Jon interrupts in a voice so heavily distorted by static it hardly sounds human.

"The Night Vale Community Radio Station is controlled by Station Management at the minute, although I don't know who, or what, they are, nor what, or who, they look like. They're currently in a relationship with City Council and I am very happy for them.

Not long back there was that time when StrexCorp took over. That was a really bad time for us all. The skies were full of the wrong sort of helicopters and we couldn't just ignore the disappearances like we usually do. They even attacked my boy Khoshekh!

I'm sure I can speak for everyone here when I say how thankful I am that the angels got involved. By that I mean that the angels had nothing to do with it, of course, as angels do not exist.

Hey Jon, could I ask-"

The weighty silence told Cecil that no, he could not.

"Who else is here right now?" This time when Jon speaks there's only a faint hum of static.

"We haven't had any new interns offered for a while so it's just me and Khoshekh."

"...Khoshekh?"

"Yeah! He's the cat floating in that bathroom. Oh he is just the _cutest_! Jon, you shoud go ahead and have a look!"

"Er - okay? I'll, uh, be right back."

**[CLICK]**

* * *

**[CLICK]**

"There's something odd about Cecil. When we started talking I thought he could be another avatar of the Beholding, but he's far too content with simply not knowing that now I'm not sure. Oh, and speaking of the Eye, my abilities are returning bit by bit. I keep getting these flashes of Knowledge, but nothing on Cecil yet.

I'll ask him, once I've seen this... floating cat apparently."

The bathroom door creaks as it's pushed open.

"So far so good. Just a regular bathroom n- Good _God_ what the _fuck_ is that?"

Something lets out a very un-catlike screech.

"Shh, it's okay. There's a good, er... kitty? Look, it's only me, you're alright. I didn't mean to be rude, or scare you. Although I, uh, don't think you're the scared one here.

How if I str- nope your spines are poisonous, won't stroke those. Oh, and you've got a venomous bite too. Who's a well defended cat then? You are! Aw, look at those wide eyes. Uh, _all_ those wi-"

Another screech.

"Ah, okay, don't mention the eyes.

Just, stay there a moment please? Yep, still hovering. You don't get out much, huh? Guess we're not so different. I'm just going to take a picture of you, if that's alright? I've- _ugh_ left my phone somewhere. Probably at the other side of the Atlantic given how today's going. Well - this whole year in fact...

And- I should be getting back to Cecil now. Sorry Khoshekh, I'll return soon, I promise. You're a good creature, even if you're not _quite_ a cat."

As Jon walks away, a final screech echoes through the bathroom. And in its own way, it sounds friendly.

**[CLICK]**

* * *

**[CLICK]**

"Did you like our pet?" Cecil asks excitedly, partly to Jon and partly into the microphone on his desk.

When Jon responds, he is very polite and very, very awkward.

"I've- I don't think I've ever seen a cat with such large spines. Or... any spines really. And he had, um, eyes, certainly. Quite a few of those."

"Huh - that's strange. Jon is clearly in the room with me. And I can clearly hear him say how nice Khoshekh is, in that polite tone of voice you use when you don't want to upset someone. But when I listen through my headphones, all I hear is the faint whine of static where his voice should be.

Maybe my equipment isn't designed to work with British accents?

Let's go to the Shades of the Sky for this week, whilst I see what I can do. Remember, if you have any questions for him, please send them in!"

"What? No!

No, I mean- Khoshekh was a very nice... being? But, well-"

There's a moment's pause as Jon searches for the right words. In the background, some pre-recorded message plays, too quiet to make out.

"I don't want to answer any questions and I _know_ that's probably unfair on you after earlier and I'm sorry, but all I want to do is find Martin and just _go home_.

Sorry again, Cecil. It's been one hell of a three years."

"Don't worry about it Jon! No-one should be made to do anything against their will. I'm just glad you got on so well with Khoshekh! Isn't he just such a cute little kitty?"

"I'm not sure I'd use those specific wo-"

"Ah, I don't want to interrupt you Jon, but we're back on air soon. Weird, your voice still isnt working with my equipment. Guess I'll have to narrate what you say, if that's alright?"

He makes a sound of agreement.

"Okay and we are back!

Unfortunately, Jon has refused to answer the questions you've all sent in. Sorry everyone, but please do try again next time we have a mysterious visitor. Also, the equipment still isn't working, so I'll do my best to narrate what he says.

All he will say is that he's looking for Martin. Does anybody know what a Martin is? We can help you find one!"

Behind Cecil's words is the sound of Jon protesting vehemently.

"Oh no, wait, he's shaking his head. Apparently I've "already said too much" and I'm "compromising his safety." You know, Jon, that's almost exactly what my high school teacher wrote on my report-"

"Cecil do you know the Spiral? Or the Stranger?"

"What a strange question!"

"_I said-_"

"Okay, no need to do that voice, I'll answer. Spiral or Stranger, you say? Well, I've met plenty of strangers before. Some have become friends, some arch-enemies, and some have simply remained strangers. But that's life, I guess. I've never met a spiral though. There - that's my answer! I'd like to meet a spiral."

"That's not what I m- oh forget about it. Look, I don't mean to be invasive but...

Are you human?"

"I _am_ human, thank you for asking. Not that there's anything wrong with not being a human, some of the nicest people in Night Vale aren't h-"

"I'm not. Not human, that is. I'm a- I'm a monster and I think I have been for a while now."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I mean, I can't even survive off normal food anymore, I have to eat statements - eat people's _trauma_. And then I appear in their dreams, but I never _do_ anything, I just stand there. Watching. And I say that I won't do it again, but the hunger is always there, and I have to feed it before it feeds on me.

So I hunt someone and fo- force their statement out of them. And sometimes I-"

Jon laughs, but it's desperate and so awfully empty.

"_I enjoy it._

And God, why am I even telling you all this? I'll just - promise you not to do it again, and we can both know I'm lying."

"But that's nothing to be ashamed of. Even the best of us have done things we're not proud of. Sometimes that's being rude to waiters, sometimes that's acknowledging the presence of angels. And sometimes, it's eating people's trauma without their permission and then appearing in their dreams forever after, only watching as their fears play out over a great, impossible stage. Although you should really ask before you do that again."

"That - actually makes sense. Thank you, Cecil."

"Aw, thank you too!"

"Helen - she was right, wasn't she? And... I should really be going."

"Oh, okay, Already?"

This time when Jon speaks, there's a small smile behind his words.  
"It was, nice, actually, to talk with you. Perhaps we'll meet again some day."

"Goodbye then, Jon. I hope you find your Martin."

**[CLICK]**

* * *

**[CLICK]**

"Helen!" Jon shouts at a wall. "I've got your point! I think I know what you meant by a lesson, so I'd appreciate it if you let me leave this weird town.

Ah, sorry Cecil. I, uh, didn't realise you could still hear me.

Please, Helen!"

The yellow door doesn't creak open, because it doesn't exist, but Jon steps through all the same, with no small amount of relief. The irony isn't lost on him

"Well, Archivist?" Helen asks. She smiles with too many teeth, but there's no malice behind it. Maybe it's not quite friendly, but it's compassionate, in its own way.  
"Shall we listen to the end of the broadcast?"

"You can get a radio signal in here?"

Helen waves a long hand nonchalantly, Cecil's voice beginning to rebound around her.

"-You, in fact, may not be human. But you are a person, because you have taken your experiences of this world and turned them into a story with yourself as the protagonist. We are people, because we build ourselves communities so we can look up as one into the endless, unknowable void of space and think: hey, that's not so big. We are people because we laugh, and because we fight, and we cry, and create and sometimes we screw up, but we always try to make things better.

We are people, because we care.

Goodnight, Night Vale."

As he says his goodbyes, Helen looks at Jon meaningfully.  
"Our Radio Host has a lot to say for himself, hm?" she says.

"Cecil."

"I'm sorry?"

"That's his name. Cecil."

Helen just shrugs.  
"And why should I bother using a name on someone I have no reason to care for?

Anyway, you've still not answered my question, Archivist."

Jon hesitates, but he's been thinking on it for a while now.

"I'm not- we're not human - not anymore. But... that's not the important part. The point is that I'm, _we're_, trying. It's hard, and it's never going to get easier, but at least we make the effort. That's what Cecil was meaning, wasn't he? Because..."

"Because there are worse things to be, Jon, than simply not human."

And there's a moment, when they look at each other, and there's an understanding. Not the kind that comes from awful knowledge; but the kind that comes between two people who have decided, in that moment, to keep trying.

Then Helen grins and the moment passes into memory.  
"Besides, don't you have another avatar to bother?"

Suddenly she isn't there anymore, and there's only the silence that comes from being truly alone. But as the fog wraps around Jon's feet, he's not scared of it. Not anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> What I learned from this:  
• Writing the Spiral is very fun  
• Despite being the literal main character I _could not_ seem to get Jon's voice right
> 
> Shout at me on tumblr! [regicidal-defenestration](https://regicidal-defenestration.tumblr.com/)


End file.
